July 12, 2021

Wow. It’s been a over year since I’ve posted some content. 2020 kicked my ass mentally, emotionally, and physically to the point that I was just over it all. I must’ve hit the reset button at least 50-11 times. It was definitely one of those years that flips everything upside down and forces you to address and acknowledge aspects of your life and self that otherwise would not have been attended to with the care isolation brings.

If I had to define 2020 in two words it would be revelation and transformation. Seeing devastation overtaking so many people at the same time definitely shifted my perspective about what are the most valuable ways I will spend my time. I had a list of frustrations that I wanted to discuss but decided against it because I didn’t feel that the energy served me well. I asked myself what is truly the most important endeavor I needed to embark upon. Turns out, it was healing.

Releasing the emotional weight of past trauma is a daunting task to say the least. Having to confront those raw and bottled emotions, the faultiness of your memory, and questioning your perception of how the situation actually places you in a defensive and vulnerable position. It’s humbling and necessary to truly be able to undo the years of trauma coping versus trauma healing.

One of the milestones I’ve accomplished on this journey of healing was to have a conversation with a close family member about the painful experiences I carried through years of just not knowing how to vocalize my frustrations in a way that was empathetic to the other parties involved. Admitting and understanding unrealistic expectations is not simple and re-calibrating your entire outlook on life through more polished and aware lenses is a process that necessitates time and being kind to yourself.

Another important thing to note is that healing is not linear or singular. It is an ongoing and critical process much like breathing. Healing comes from a concerted effort to do the work, feel the painful emotions, process through how and why, and make peace with the past. Shifting the focus often provides a sense of clarity as well as a chance to grow.

So what’s next? Now it’s time to reconcile the other obstacles that have to be faced in order to continue my journey to personal Zen.