Falling Face First Into Your Peace/Purpose

October 13, 2021

August 28th, I strapped a well-made balloon and a man to my back and plunged from fifteen thousand feet in the air down to the ground. I willingly and soberly made this decision. I hear SZA singing, “I’m tumbling, spiraling, plummeting down to Earth.” I’m plummeting 120 miles per hour down to Earth. I don’t scream. I don’t cry. I don’t even close my eyes. I don’t second guess my decision. I don’t imagine my parachute not opening. I don’t think about all that could possibly go wrong or that I may very will be living the last moments of my life, chasing a desire to feel alive. I am empowered.

50 Minutes Earlier

Jorge, my videographer, comes over to the table and introduces himself. We make small talk and he details his jumping experience and how the interviews will be conducted. He’s a relaxed spirit and made the process seem so smooth, almost as if he were discussing how to take a still photo.

10 Minutes Later

I’m given the how-to’s and what-to-do’s from my instructor. When skydiving for the first time, you complete a tandem jump with the instructor. My instructor, DC, has close to 9000 jumps logged and is the chief instructor at Skydive Atlanta. He’s tall, secure of himself, and confident in a manner you’d find reassuring of the decision you made to dive out of a perfectly good plane. He instructs me on getting into the harness and checks the straps and their connections. An altimeter is placed on my left wrist and wrapped around my index finger. I remember the important part. He says, “I’ll tap your left wrist and pull your right hand to your hip. You’ll reach for the golf ball. Once that altimeter gets between 6000 and 5500 feet, that’s when you give that golf ball a yank and save our lives.”

10 Minutes After That

The gears turn in my head. I’m not afraid to fall thousands of feet to the ground. It is in this moment that the confidence truly kicks in, and I see myself for the person I’ve worked so hard to become. I am free. I am blessed. I am unafraid. I am secure. I will never lose myself. I am not here to please others. My life is mine to enjoy. I am strong. I am resilient. I am qualified, capable, and prepared. I am more than a conqueror. My opinion of me is the one that carries the most weight.

What Feels Like 2 Minutes Later

The shuttle ride over to the landing strip, probably a seven-minute ride, seems like we’re moving in slow motion. One guy cracks cheesy knock knock jokes that I laugh at each time. The energy is vibrant and humor-filled. No impending gloom. No doubt or terror.

In the Air

The plane takes off. I check my altimeter. We’re climbing. 2000 feet. Jorge asks questions. I answer, wearing a smile throughout the process. 4000 feet. Other videographers interview their jumpers. 7000 feet. DC repeats a series of instructions he’s just given earlier. “Place your hands on your set of ‘oh shit straps’ incase you get scared.” 8000 feet. “Two minutes.” I take deep breaths. I can reach for a cloud. DC suggests that I grab a piece of one to keep as a souvenir. I chuckle again. 10000 feet. I notice the abundance of trees. 11000 feet. The solo jumpers are hyped. I don’t check my altimeter. The solo jumpers are out first. Six people back to back. Now I feel a little nervous. The camera is rolling. I smile through it all.

Go!

Jorge is out first. I slide to the edge. I bend my knees, arch my back, and duck my head. The tips of my toes are aligned with the black rubber edge of the door. The cool air rubs my face. DC says something I cannot hear. I grin and we flip out of the plane. We are falling. My heart stops for a moment. I have crossed the proverbial line in the sand. I feel my body relaxing. I don’t grind my teeth. I don’t fight the air. I do not panic. I am free falling and at peace. DC points to Jorge. I smile, wave my arms, and breathe.

Coming in Soft

I steer the parachute with my instructor. I pull the left handle and we spin wildly. I pull the other and we spin to the right. I pull both and we glide. We land easily and softly. I feel amazing. I’m invigorated. Ideas are forming. Inspiration is on the scene. I feel clear headed and in awe of my own power. At this moment, I hear Kanye say, “Unh uh, you can’t tell me nothing.” And he’s right. I’m walking on the moon. “Ms. Mac is in the building. Confidence on a hundred thousand trillion.”